RIP, Sarah

About three years ago, we were custodian to a troubled child whose main affliction was affluence. In the land of Nasi Kandar, or also known as 'Penang', if you have parents who owned a nasi kandar establishment, no matter how miniscule, whether it is as big as 'Kayu' or a stall under the shady cherry tree, it is a big deal. So, naturally, Rahman, a third generation inheritor of Rahim Nasi Kandar, was born not only with a nasi kandar spoon in his mouth but a hand in the store till as well.

Being the eldest son in the family granted him free hold in many things and while his parents were toiling tirelessly at the store, Rahman was busy spending the family's earnings. What he couldn't get from the till, he stole from his mom and with that money at the tender age of 11 he had kids scurrying from every nook, cranny, fissure and corner of his neighbourhood wanting to be his friends. Who wouldn't want to be his friend? Spending money recklessly became obsessive and soon he was cutting school to hang out at a cyber cafe.

Needless to say, his education of course took a back seat and when we met him he was 11 years old, with not a single page of schoolwork done in all five years of schooling. Apart from that, he was giving his mother, Sarah a hard time at home, rebelling and revolting when he didn't get what he wanted. Each time she spoke of him tears would never cease to streak down her face. "Help me", she begged, as she knew she was losing quickly losing control of her child.

After a few counseling sessions we all agreed that in order for him to be reformed, he'd have to stay with us. At that time, we had about six American students who had been studying with us in America and were continuing their studies in Malaysia. In addition to that, we also had SS's kids, Sofi and Kamil staying with us.

Our solution for him was the same as with other troubled children we had at TGA Paulsboro, NJ. who were subjected to grueling regiments intended to detox disobedience and in its place instill consciousness of Allah SWT. At TGA we firmly believe that only when the peace of mind is induced then the individual could excel in whatever he undertakes.

T=taqwa. This regiment includes one hour of muamalats after Fajar, memorisation of Quranic Vocabulary Juz Amma and an hour of Islamic studies everyday which would include Tauhid, Fiqh and Islamic History.

G=gayong. This is an extremely physical Gayong America style regiment, intended to toughen up and strengthen stamina and dexterity followed by martial arts lessons taught by SS. This was done three hours a day, rain or shine in Malaysia (but in US it was rain, shine, snow or blizzard!!)

A=academic, this encompasses either American or when in Malaysia, Malaysian school syllabus

To facilitate his reformation, Rahman was yanked out of his school which was at that time a private Islamic school. Through an agreement with his Principal, (who handed him to us on a silver platter) he was allowed to keep his name enrolled in the school while being home-schooled by us. So, with that we managed to cram five years of primary school work into nine months to prepare him for the UPSR exam. No one believed his results when it came out. He got 3B's and 2C's. By then he was speaking English like a full-blown American teenager, thanks largely to his American housemates. Credit also goes out to Kamil who tutored him in Math and Science. Although he got C's in these subjects, it was indeed an achievement for a boy who's never done a day's worth of school work.


Throughout his stay with us, he still got in and out of trouble but for the most part he had mellowed down a lot, according his parents more respect and even though he conformed more out of fear it allowed him a different perspective in life. He now knows that he had to heed his parents and throughout that time, I kept reminding him to appreciate them and not take them for granted as we don't know how long Allah will allow us to have them or them to have us. I fervently reminded him, as I do with all my students, to occupy ourselves with remembrance of Allah for if we don't, He will retrieve His gifts or take a loved one away from us.

Four months ago, Rahim and Sarah were involved in an accident. They were on their motorcycle around midnight when a the driver of a car cut in front of them appearing to take a sudden left but instead went straight, speeding off into the night. Although the car didn't hit them, Rahim lost control of his bike and both of them were thrown off the bike. Sara was rendered unconscious as she took a nasty fall on the head, in spite of the helmet (but then again, knowing Sarah, not once have I seen her fastening the buckles of her helmet...). According to Rahman, it took three hours for the ambulance to transport her to GH. Rahim, meanwhile broke one of his leg.

When we received word of the accident, we rushed to the hospital but were not permitted to see Sarah who was warded in the ICU. Evidently she had a blood clot in her brains and being a diabetic it caused a lot of complications even after they've removed the clot. Rahim, on the other hand looked shaken but apart from the broken leg was in good spirits. Every one expected Sarah to snap out of the coma, as apart from the head injuries, nothing else was wrong with her - or so we thought...We kept telling ourselves that it wasn't even an accident, she was merely thrown off the bike and thought that she was just unconscious and would gain consciousness soon.

So it became a routine, that once or twice a week we'd stop by at the restaurant to get an update on her condition. "Same", replied Rahman. There were times we'd drive by expecting Sarah to be discharged from the hospital and jumping right back to work. One, two, three then four months passed and both SS and I were worried that she might not be getting the care she needed and volunteered to speak to the specialists on the family's behalf. Rahim was trying to get the doctor to talk to us when an inconsolable Rahman called on the night of 9th April, with the devastating news that his mom had passed away.


The next day, we were able to see her off at the masjid. We didn't visit her for the most part because we expected her to bounce back and be her joyful and cheerie self, serving us her delectable nasi kandar and updating us of Rahman's misdeeds. It's hard to believe that she's gone but for the driver of the car who probably has no clue that he's caused this tragic accident and unbearable losses to family, friends and customers, I hope that this was truly an accident for if you were aware that you've caused this accident and sped off then I hope to pin this on your conscience and hope that you do not rest in peace until you've paid retributions not necessarily in cash but in kind to this unfortunate family. On the other hand, perhaps this driver, just as we did, assumed that this was just a minor accident and shrugged it off, thinking that the motorcyclist and his pillion would brush off the dirt on their backs and be on their way.

We'll definitely continue looking out for Rahman and his siblings for Sarah. Rest in peace, Sarah and May Allah grant you a position among the righteous. We'll keep reminding your children to supplement you with Sura Yassin and Al-Fatiha. If nothing else, we pray that through the hands that've satiated us and other customers, Allah swt will spare you the torment of the grave and assign you to Jannah...

(This blog was actually resurrected from an old one. Written April 15th 2008)